Lo Bosworth no longer lives her life in front of the camera, but the former star of The Hills has opened up about a recent personal issue anyway.
On Friday, Bosworth revealed she has battled “crippling anxiety and depression” over the past year. The Laguna Beach alumna detailed her struggle on her blog, revealing that she has a severe vitamin deficiency that went undiscovered for 16 months.
“I started feeling very off in the fall of ’15. Racing mind, impulsive behavior, insomnia. That all developed into a feeling of anxiety that lasted for almost 2 months without any relief,” she wrote. “On top of all of this, imagine that you have no idea why your body is turning itself inside out, your brain feels like it’s on Pluto, and your sweet boyfriend is wondering what the f*** is going on. The unknown is certainly a terrifying place.”
In 2016, Lo started therapy and began taking antidepressants.
“I feel okay for moments of time, and then plunge back into the darkness again and again,” she explained. “The antidepressant cycle is a vicious one — especially if you don’t actually require one, but that moment of enlightenment won’t arrive for another 9 months. Up and down, up and down. Tears, moments of extreme highs, confusion about why you don’t feel completely back on your feet after the standard 4-6 weeks of allowing the meds to ‘kick in.’ … Exercise helps, my relationship helps, my family helps. But, the underlying, creeping feeling that there may not be a silver bullet to my problems, and that this state of disarray may be the new ‘me,’ keeps me feeling stagnant. I wouldn’t wish my 2016 on my worst enemy.”
Doctors eventually ordered a complex blood test and discovered Lo had severe deficiencies of Vitamins B12 and Vitamin D.
“Want to know what happens if you’re deficient? You can develop, amongst other things, depression, anxiety, fatigue, headaches, dizziness, and a lot of other vague and uncomfortable symptoms,” she shared. “Want to know what happens if you never address your deficiencies? The symptoms can become permanent — yes, like permanent brain damage.”
Lo explained that during her struggle she could “barely process” her emotions, and while she said she has lost “so much” through her struggle, she has “gained so much on the other side.”
“I’ve grown as a human in ways I didn’t think possible. I dealt with all the ickiness inside of me that could at times make me behave badly, treat others poorly, and not take great emotional care of myself (therapy, man). Depression and anxiety can be both emotional and physical, and having lived through it, all I can say is that the struggle is worth it,” she wrote. “I resent it, I hate it, it’s f***ed up my world — but I also see it for what it is, and that’s quite beautiful. … I’m living proof that you should fight, you should explore, you should take your health into your own hands and be your own advocate, and that you CAN come out the other side with some serious scars, but feeling like a brand new human being.”
Here’s to a healthier 2017.
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