Stephen Colbert's Takedown of Alex Jones' Latest Apology Is Worth a Watch
On Wednesday, red-faced right-wing conspiracy theorist and self-proclaimed performance artist Alex Jones was forced to apologize to Chobani yogurt, thanks to the settlement of a law suit in which Chobani claimed Jones made defamatory and false comments about the company. Jones apologized for saying that Chobani employs refugees, was involved in a sexual assault against a child, and somehow also contributed to a tuberculosis outbreak. On the Late Show Friday night, host Stephen Colbert called it "one of the most sincere apologies ever to have been read off the back of a napkin."
Colbert then segued to an apology segment by his Alex Jones-like character and host of Brain Fight, Tuck Buckford. Known for outrageous statements like "Andy Warhol put chemicals in Campbell's Soup that turns veterans into bisexual zombies," Buckford is a tinfoil hat wearing caricature of Alex Jones. And, like Jones, Buckford has made some dubious claims for which he would like to say he is very sorry.
Here is a sampling of accusations Buckford would now like to retract because he is legally required to do so:
Virgin Airlines sprays America's playgrounds with clouds of Viagra "to incite an anti-government revolution of unstoppable middle school sex warriors"
Fruit by the Foot is made of reptilian skin shed by George Soros
Jeff Goldblum is a robot controlled by Islamic field mice
And for these statements and more, Buckford is legally and sincerely sorry.
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