After their weakest, weirdest and most polarizing season to date, True Blood went out on a high note with their fifth season finale as fans were given cliffhangers, bloodbaths, new couples and quadruplets!
First, the good: Pam and Tara made out! Yes, the maker made it with her progeny after Tara rescued Pam from The Authority's silver-lined cell. And while it was not a major surprise to keen-eyed fans (to quote Jessica, "I knew it!"), the moment was easily the night's best moment, and a stellar sendoff given Pam's already sensational season.
The evening also featured the best vampire death to date as Sam, while shapeshifted into a housefly, navigated into Rosalyn's mouth, found his way into her stomach and returned to his human form, thereby detonating her from the inside. While it's a shame the show lost actress Carolyn Hennesy (always a scenestealer), at least it sent her out on a high note.
The show also bid adieu to Russell Edgington after Eric Northman got his centuries-old revenge and staked the irredeemable evildoer. Sadly, by this point, I found myself begging for his death as the one-time fan favorite proved you can have too much of a good thing and became a motivation-less caricature of his former fabulousness.
Which leads me into the rest of the bad -- I don't know what the f*ck is going on with Andy's storyline, but the fairy he banged at the end of season four delivered quadruplets on the Merlotte's pool table and one of the show's most "Huhwhat?" moments to date as every little 'un was joined by a leg-bending orgasm. After popping out four fairy-human hybrids as Lafayette, Arlene and Jane Bodehouse looked on, Maurella peaced, leaving Andy to care for his new kids.
The weirdness extended to Jason, who experienced visions of his deceased parents, and conversed with them, after being struck by the elder Faerie's light burst. This apparently also turned him into a full-blown vampire hater, much to Jessica's disappointment as she finally confessed her feelings for Mr. Stackhouse only to have him coldly rebuff her.
As for the episode's big cliffhanger, unswayed by Sookie's pleas for redemption, Bill consumed Lilith's blood (after killing Salome) was reduced to a puddle of blood. But he did not die -- instead, Bill was reborn, a la Lilith, as a blood-covered nudist. Sadly, the full frontal Lilith bush fans were forced to endure all season long didn't pay off with peen, as Stephen Moyer's member continues to remain under wraps. For now. But who knows what season six holds!
Oh, well, actually, creator Alan Ball does! Although he's abdicating his showrunner throne, Alan is still very much aware of the roadmap for next season, and talked with TVLine about what's to come on True Blood. Here are two choice quotes:
Is Bill An Evil God Now?
"I don't want to say if he is or he isn't. It is Bill, but it is a transformed Bill. He is not a completely new person. It's not like his memories or his experiences have been left out and he's just a baby. Is he going to be evil? What does he want? What is he going to do? Will he be able to revert back to Bill? That's for future seasons. The implication, certainly, is that he is more ferocious."
Will Pam and Tara Live Happily Ever After?
"They both were, if not full-on lesbians, than bisexual. They both were characters with real attitude. And they both hate each other — at least they did at the beginning of the season. And that, to me, felt like it could create a lot of tension that could turn romantic towards the end. [But] here's the thing with relationships on True Blood: Once they happen then you have to throw a monkey-wrench into them, because to have people be happy is not that exciting."
And while the show's prefered hashtag (#WaitingSucks) will certainly prove true over the next year as new episodes go into production, there's still one more season five moment to savor thanks to this deleted scene, featuring Pam, Jessica, Tara, Nora and Jason leaving The Authority HQ.
True Blood will return to HBO in 2013.