Jailbate no more! Courtney Stodden has finally turned 18! Who can believe that it’s been almost a year and a half since then-16-year-old child bride Courtney Stodden shimmied her way down the aisle into both Doug Hutchison and America’s hearts on May 21, 2011? Who could forget the way the bottled blonde sex kitten fawned all over her then-51-year-old, F-list actor hubby in post-wedding interviews or how she talked openly of their amazing sex life or how she got kicked out of a pumpkin patch for lewd behavior? Not me. Not ever. It seems like only yesterday I was scouring the internet intending to prove that this alleged 16-year-old was really an attention starved 45-year-old woman whose penchant for spray tans had addled her brain, causing her to say "rull" instead of real, write overtly sexual tweets and parade around town looking like a washed-up stripper looking for a fix. But much to my shock, it turned out Courtney could put her money where her mouth was (and a whole lot of other places I’m sure): Courtney’s boobs, marriage and age have turned out to be as rull as her love of alliterations and wearing bikinis on public streets.
As much as it seems the always pouty Courtney and her May/December marriage were going to be a flash in the pan, it looks like Doug’s girl isn’t going anywhere. And let’s be honest, where would the world be without Courtney’s beloved FloorFlash Friday, where her Twitter followers tweet pictures of themselves on the floor and flashing the camera? It’s a classy move sweeping the nation. Marie Curie brought the theory of radioactivity to the world; Courtney Stodden – floor flashing. Both are great women whose even greater contributions to society will affect millions for generations to come.
Courtney Stodden: I salute you and your sexpot ways! And I also thank you for hours of entertainment that your freak-show-of-a-life has brought me. Happy birthday Courtney, you vampy vixen, you!
In honor of the Courtney on her special day, I’ve compiled a list of some of her best/most ridiculous/insanely sexual tweets. With tweets that oscillate between hyper sexual and Bible quotes, her Twitter following is over 94,000 strong. I’d personally like to think of every tweet as a gift of art, sort of like Shakespeare’s sonnets, only with more emoticons. So let’s take a moment to peruse and enjoy some of the most sextacular tweets from everyone’s favorite lingerie-loving Friday FloorFlasher:
-July 28, 2012: Only 2 more days until I get to blow eighteen ... ummm ... candles ;) xxx
-July 28,2012: Slipped into a string garter belt & bra ... I love Saturdays xxx #lingerieday
-July 18, 2012: Dressed up like a bouncy busty bunny today. Well ... I guess I am everyday ;P xxx @hughhefner @Playboy
-July 13, 2012: It's Friday & you know what that means! Get on the floor and give it to me :) xxx #FridayFloorFlash
-July 12, 2012: Sweetly stimulating this succulent sucker by slowly stroking it with my surreptitious tongue ... yum! Xxx
-June 24, 2012: I've just went all the way ... I'm vegan! xxx @peta
-June 22, 2012: Not wearing panties today! Who else is celebrating #NoPantyDay?
-June 21, 2012: Having fun with my sensuous sucker in the sun xxx ♥
-June 6, 2012: Good day twitter :) What r u all up 2? I'm suntanning in the nude this afternoon & lovin' it - ha! Xxxx
-May 31, 2012: Having a private veggie bbq with my man - meatless weenies anyone? ;) xoxoxoxo
-May 26, 2012: Drenched in nothing but birthday cake! How is it that I always end up in my bday-suit when it isn't even my birthday? Xo
-May 16, 2012: Lickin' on a delicious drumstick in the hopes that it'll cool me down - it's sooo hot here :)
-May 10, 2012: Loving this crazy lingerie store in Hollywood - there's a lil' somethin' for everybody ... even pink fluffy handcuffs 4 me hah :) meOW!
-May 1, 2012: Stripped all the way down for a sensual bubble bath - makeup free
-April 27, 2012: Flashing my flirty Friday flesh on the floor just for you :) xoxoxoxo ❤
-April 22, 2012: Hey friends ... what are you up 2? I'm just relaxing @ home in bra & panties after a long photo shoot - feels soo good! xoxoxoxo :)