Celeb and noted Spanx wearer, Kim Kardashian (Getty)
Because we know you've been tirelessly planning your outfit for the Academy Awards' red carpet, we thought we'd better inform you that those Spanx you've picked out might literally be squishing your organs.
The Huffington Post recently asked a gastroenterologist, a dermatologist and a chiropractor to elaborate on the possible medical dangers of wearing Spanx and other shapewear, and their answers, quite frankly, are far scarier than your juice fast-induced bloating.
According to the experts, your stomach, intestines, colon, diaphragm and bladder all get compressed when you stuff yourself into a pair of Spanx. The results of the compression are super fun—try acid reflux, heartburn, indigestion, and "episodes of incontinence."
Honestly, we'd rather work the hell out of our muffin top than have our Oscars after parties ruined by bouts of explosive diarrhea.
Other health risks include something called "meralgia paresthetica," which is basically the tingling and numbness you get in your thigh when you wrap something really, really tightly around it. The Spanx's tightness can also lead to decreased circulation, blood clots, varicose veins and something called "lymph congestion," which sounds really great.
But that's not all! Because Spanx are so tight, they trap in moisture, which can lead to really the really unpleasant festering of bacteria. We'll leave you with this pleasant image:
"Dr. Mikhail says that the most common infection she sees is folliculitis, since bacteria often gets trapped among hair follicles and causes red puss-filled bumps."
Screw it, we're going commando.