How We Imagine Taylor Swift Is Dealing With Her Breakup From Calvin Harris
(Photo: Getty Images)
While Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris have “a huge amount of love and respect” left between them now that their romantic relationship is over, it’s hard not to imagine the singer’s breakup playing out like her “Blank Space” video.
You know, the “screaming, crying, perfect storm…”
Cutting his face out of all their romantic vacation photos…
Giving a makeover to any clothes he left behind in one of her 10 mansions…
Defacing a luxury automobile or two…
While the reality probably isn’t that dramatic (we hope!), we can’t help imagining what it’s really like Chez Swift these days as her relationship once again makes headlines — and she’s radio silent, save for a retweet of Calvin’s polite post-breakup message. Here’s what we came up with:
It all starts with a unicorn onesie. She’s in one. Right now. She’s probably also holding a pizza box.
(Photo: Instagram)
Meredith Grey passes by every hour on the hour to lick away any tears. That is one thirsty cat.
(Photo: Instagram)
Her girl squad is blowing up her phone 24/7 with FT calls. Selena, Ed, Karlie, Lorde, Jaime, Ellie, Martha, Cara, Hailee, Lena, Lily, and of course the Haim sisters provide her with long distance TLC. That’s good news for her mom, Andrea, who gets a break from standing by with a tissue box at the ready.
(Photo: Instagram)
Especially Gigi Hadid, who is going through the same thing. They draw devil horns on photos of Calvin and Zayn and plan revenge outfits. Spoiler: The outfits involves very short hemlines.
(Photo: Instagram)
Every now and then, she hugs a baby. This one’s cute. He’s her godson.
(Photo: Instagram)
And then does a shot of Reddi-Wip. The good news? No hangover.
(Photo: Instagram)
She bakes, because she’s Taylor Crocker. She doesn’t eat what she’s made — because of the short hemlines.
(Photo: Instagram)
She finds a new use for her “This Is What You Came For” jacket. It involves Meredith and Olivia Benson. It may be in their litter box.
(Photo: Instagram)
Ditto the locket. Maybe she’ll flush it down the toilet? Better yet, toss it off the bluff at her Rhode Island beach house.
(Photo: Instagram)
Periodically, she gets up to dance it out. No table is safe during her days of heartbreak.
(Photo: Apple Music)
All the while she’s writing piercing lyrics, which will find a home on her next album, which will shoot up the charts to No. 1. Because she’s Taylor Swift, and that’s what she does. And she’ll be fine. No, she’ll be more than fine.
