Elle King Gets Candid About Her Depression and PTSD: It Feels Like 'a Trip on LSD'

Jen Juneau
Updated

Elle King is taking the reins on her mental health.

The “Ex’s and Oh’s” singer revealed on Instagram Saturday that she has been struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder and depression.

“I made a decision yesterday that was a really f— hard one,” she captioned a Boomerang video of herself wearing a shirt reading “BORN TO BE MILD.”

“I’m slowly learning that prolonging and putting off that inevitable and looming painful decision or choice … ONLY CREATES MORE PAIN,” she continued. “AND YOURE LITERALLY JUST SITTING IN IT. I made that hard choice yesterday, and for a while it felt like my life was over.

“But today, while working through my PTSD with my doc, I felt that door inside of me open up just a little bit more,” King wrote. “It used to be covered in caution tape and red lights flashing DO NOT OPEN. But I felt a cool little breeze and it wasn’t as scary peeping through.”

I made a decision yesterday that was a really fuckkng hard one. I'm slowly learning that prolonging and putting off that inevitable and looming painful decision or choice ... ONLY CREATES MORE PAIN. AND YOURE LITERALLY JUST SITTING IN IT. I made that hard choice yesterday, and for a while it felt like my life was over. But today, while working through my PTSD with my doc, I felt that door inside of me open up just a little bit more. It used to be covered in caution tape and red lights flashing DO NOT OPEN. But I felt a cool little breeze and it wasn't as scary peeping through. I also realized that PTSD and/or depression FOR ME, and I say for me because I can only speak for myself, is like a trip on LSD. For those of you who haven't dropped acid.....it's really strong, so take a lot. Jk but for real it's gr8????????????? but I realized that when I've been in an altered state I HAVE had weird moments and scary thoughts. But I snap out of it through the clarity and ease of the fact that A. everything is going to be ok. 2. Dude you're on fuckin acid man. ???? In those times all I had to do was refocus and take back control of MY OWN MIND. Today, if presented with two options, I will CHOOSE the one that is most beneficial and happy for me right then and there. I'll make some healthy choices. Today I'll drink water and say something nice about myself. I brushed my teeth sooosososo good too. I might even hug myself. But I'm definitely going to love myself. Just like I love all of you!!!???????????????

A post shared by Elle King (@elleking) on Jul 1, 2017 at 4:23pm PDT

RELATED VIDEO: Singer Elle King Says She “Skipped Out” On Her Wedding in Favor of Rock Show

While the singer doesn’t reveal the details behind what the “hard choice” was, she does draw a parallel for her followers between what she has experienced mentally and through using acid.

“I also realized that PTSD and/or depression FOR ME, and I say for me because I can only speak for myself, is like a trip on LSD,” King, who turns 28 on Monday, wrote.

“I realized that when I’ve been in an altered state I HAVE had weird moments and scary thoughts. But I snap out of it through the clarity and ease of the fact that A. everything is going to be ok. 2. Dude you’re on f— acid man.”

I lay awake dreaming of licks I'll never quite get right to distract myself from the fact that I have this sword through my gut about leaving my house for the second time in 2 weeks. Leaving my Psychedelic Spice, Barbie dream home, and going out of state for a show...I just feel scared. But what is fear? Is it insecurities? I got em. Is it stepping out of your comfort zone? Done that. Loved it. Maybe I'm afraid to ACTUALLY take that leap from •PTSD-cannot-will not-leave my house• to something new and unfamiliar. Happiness. Ever since I was little I've been spinning in comfortable chaos. When do we break the cycle? You can pay people to literally do ALMOST anything you ask, but...No one can do THAT for you. Life has done a number on us all. I have always been so open, almost to a fault, but I never thought I'd be this open about my struggles with interpersonal relational trauma and PTSD. But this magical thing has happened. I've never felt more connected and in touch with my fans and the people who are fucking fist pumping and rooting for me. I hear you cheering me on. People have begun to send me messages, share their stories of trauma, love lost, depression, and woes. This is real stuff. I read these stories and burst into tears or try to give advice. But it's deeper than someone just saying that they feel connected to my music through joy or through pain. It's just a fucking human connection. Strangers that share a bond. We exchange words, emotions, even ways to cope in a healthy way like hooping, or my recent favorite, adult coloring books, instead of self medicating or self harm. I am NOT an advocate or anything of that nature. I don't actually even know what that word means (I'll google it) all I am is someone openly sharing my journey from dark to light. And I truly want to thank you all for the encouragement, the acceptance, the non judgement, and the love through a really fucking hard time. If you or anyone you know suffers from depression or has experienced trauma, come to terms and make peace with the fact that it might never go away, but you can and WILL one day let it go. Take back your power. I'm going to. Fuck yeah I am. Love,????Psychedelic Spice????

A post shared by Elle King (@elleking) on Jun 23, 2017 at 1:40am PDT

Who you callin Pussy

A post shared by Elle King (@elleking) on Jun 30, 2017 at 7:31am PDT

She goes on to explain how she is making “healthy choices” and practicing self care, admitting, “In those times all I had to do was refocus and take back control of MY OWN MIND.

“Today, if presented with two options, I will CHOOSE the one that is most beneficial and happy for me right then and there,” King shared, promising that she is “definitely going to love” herself.

If you have to ask, you weren't invited to the after party ?????

A post shared by Elle King (@elleking) on Jun 29, 2017 at 2:06am PDT

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RELATED: Elle King Reveals Secret Marriage (and Split) in One Instagram Post: “Everybody Thought I Lost My Mind and I Did”

The introspective post comes about eight weeks after King revealed that she had split from former beau Andrew Ferguson a month after their previously planned wedding date — as well as the fact that they had secretly tied the knot on Valentine’s Day 2016: three weeks after they met.

“As we separate, and attempt to find our footing through life, all I can hope for us is that we both find happiness within ourselves,” King captioned a snap of the duo taken in May, on the same day she made the post. “I love you. You’ll always have my heart. You’ll always be my first husband.”