What We Learned About Kim Kardashian’s Doomed Marriage From Watching ‘Kourtney and Kim Take New York’

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Last night, The Famous nobly suffered through the first episode of the second season of "Kourtney and Kim Take New York" so A) you didn't have to and because B) we secretly wanted to, which C) clearly means we've been brainwashed by Kris Jenner. Will our soul be saved? Moving on. If you happened to skip the E! reality show's premiere, then you A) must have a life and B) missed 45 minutes of oh-so-dramatic tension between newlyweds Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, the footage of which foreshadows the reality princess' decision to file for divorce after 72 days of marriage. For instance:

  • Humphries loathes sharing living quarters in a penthouse suite at the posh Hotel Gansevoort with Kourtney Kardashian, Scott Disick and their cute-as-button toddler son, Mason. "I feel like you guys are married with a kid and we're just staying in your place," complains the pro baller, later whining about the Kardash-ling's playroom being so close to his bedroom.
  • Kardashian, a self-professed neat freak, thinks Humphries is too messy and hates that he leaves piles of clothes everywhere.
  • The 30-year-old diva freaks out when he accidentally steps on her foot -- and ruins her pedicure.
  • Humphries, 26, farts on his sister-in-law's face, which is apparently his way of communicating with the ladies.
  • He walks away --  glued to his cell phone -- when Kardashian needs him to pose on the red carpet for a mandatory, probably Jenner-booked "Welcome to New York" party at a Manhattan nightclub. She's upset he wants to leave without fulfilling his mandatory PR requirements; Humphries, all fidgety like, whispers an apology in her ear: "I really do love you though. Sorry for being a jerk."
  • He pitches a fit after walking in on the Kardashian sisters and their friends doing naked yoga -- yes, NAKED YOGA -- in their apartment. Leading the exercise: a naked yoga instructor. "That is disgusting!" he yells, to which Kardashian responds: "You're so immature I can't take it!"
  • Humphries, unemployed due to the NBA lockout, decides to leave his wife in the Big Apple and return to his native Minnesota so he can train. She supports his decision.

Signs of marital strife = everywhere.

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