Anyone tune into E!'s Kim Kardashian wedding special last night? No? Good on you. YOU have willpower. The Famous, on the other hand, could not tear itself away from all the drama: Will Khloe Kardashian and Kris Humphries bury the hatchet before Kim walks down the aisle? (Probably, yes.) Will Kris Jenner wake up from her 9-hour facelift operation? (Plot spoiler: she does!) Will Rob Kardashian gather the willpower to stop eating junk food??? (Wait, what?)
Indeed. The Kardashian bro's unhealthy diet was a major plot point on Sunday's installment of "Kim's Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event." The Armenian-American cutie was shown gorging on tacos and coffeecakes (which he'd hidden underneath his bed) while his concerned sisters reprimanded him. Warned sister Khloe to 200-pound Rob: "A moment on your lips is a lifetime on your hips."
E! shot footage for the special over the summer and at the over-the-top Kardashian-Humphries wedding on Aug. 20. Rob Kardashian's random weight-loss narrative makes no sense and warrants suspicion: the Kardashians do absolutely NOTHING on the whim. Everything is staged and calculated to promote and cross-promote the hell out of their various brands and enterprises and projects; given the nature of the family business, we could possibly see Jenner -- the savvy momager -- orchestrating a plan to fatten up her son so he'd have a better chance at becoming a contestant on ABC's "Dancing With the Stars."
Sure, the "K" name helps. But a good backstory -- a personal struggle! -- is even better. Kirstie Alley lost a whopping 100 pounds on the "DWTS" dance floor; her career is flourishing again, and she's got lots more fans who admire her humor and jaw-dropping makeover.
Since winning a spot on the coveted dance competition in late August, the lone male Kardashian sibling has visibly slimmed down. Partner Cheryl Burke told reporters (via zap2it): "He's lost a lot of weight. His whole physical appearance has changed. He's using different muscles. He's super sore all the time. ... I think he lost most of the weight just rehearsing from the jive because it's so fast-paced."
Somewhere Jenner is concocting a scheme to capitalize on his leaner figure. We suggest going the memoir route: "From Schlub to Stud: The Rob Kardashian Story."
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