Career Famous Person Kim Kardashian could be headed to court twice if she goes through with her divorce from Kris Humphries. That's because comedian Rob Delaney intends to sue Kim, "Kardashians" producer Ryan Seacrest, E! Network and Comcast "for promoting their sham marriage, bilking advertisers, and polluting the airwaves of America and every other nation unfortunate enough to be subject to the disease of Kardashia." (Apologies to the recently infected United Arab Emirates).
Even though Rob Delaney is a comedian, and even though his declaration of legal war is straight-up hilarious, he insists he's dead serious about representing himself and proceeding with a lawsuit for $18 million in damages (which allegedly is how much Kim and Ko. were paid for the wedding). Presumably he's be charging Kim with fraud, but if you consider their wedding a product, which it basically was, perhaps he could sue for breach of warranty ("till death do us part" and all that).
Delaney makes some rather damning points: since Kim was paid to get married, throwing in the towel after 72 days "is a rather public admission that you are very, very bad at the job you were hired to do." He also points out they wouldn't even have to live together, "just fake it, for us, for a little bit."
As he told the Village Voice, "They have over 70 Kardashian shows: if they're going to foist that on us and involve us in that commitment ... then they need to stick it out."
His plan as of now is to give the $18 mil to his uncle, whom he describes as a "multiple-convicted sex offender who sells prescription drugs to old people who don't even need them," simply because he believes his "terrible" relation "would spend the money better than she could."
But don't think Delaney is doing this out of spite: He says actually doing it for her own good. "I know that under your unnecessary inch of makeup and Kevlar sheath dress is a heart that yearns for true love," he writes on Vice.com. "That's why I'd like you to stay married. And if you won't, I will sue you. Because when you wrap your marriage vows around a cubic zirconia encrusted baseball bat and beat us about the head and face with them, you can stay… married for more than 20 minutes, you sexy monster. I'll see you in court."
Considering this is spreading like wildfire throughout the Twitterverse, you have to wonder how long it will take until Kim Kardashian herself (or at least Ryan Seacrest) sees this. Your move, Kardashian.
--Joseph Brannigan Lynch
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