If you're lucky enough to have never heard of Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP blog, know that it involves frequent posts written by the perfect Ms. Paltrow -- who's recently reinvented herself as an expert in cooking, nutrition, fashion, country music, and her new BFF Beyonce -- filled with infuriating lines such as: "As a home cook, one of the best things I've ever done was to build a wood burning oven in the backyard."
And: "After three years of hard work, my cookbook is finished, and in stores! To celebrate the release, I made dinner for 60 friends and foodies."
And, of course: "Many of the absolute best beauty products I've found come from regular French pharmacies. I always stock up on these items when I'm in France or ask friends to bring some back when they're passing through."
See what I mean?
This week, the actress added a new post to her blog, and with it, a new title to her lengthy resume -- iPhone app creator.
"I have always dreamed of finding a city guide that would be just right for me, like a trusted friend whose opinion you knew you could count on," she wrote. "After years of being steered in the wrong direction by bribed concierges, biased opinions and just plain bad suggestions, I decided to create what I had been missing: The goop City Guide! We begin with New York City and you can expect many more over the coming months."
All for just $3.99! There's been no mention of a charity, so one would assume that after Apple and whoever else takes a cut, Paltrow will pocket the rest. The Internet is, as expected, ablaze with more criticism and jokes -- with some outlets calling it everything from "an app for the 1 percent" to a guide for those on the hunt for the "most mouthwatering macriobiotic fare with Madonna."
In other words, an app most of us would never dream of needing.
Taking this kind of slack is nothing new for the 39-year-old mom of two and wife of a rock star who spends much of her time living in London. So why, in a world filled with a gazillion wealthy celebs out of touch with how the majority of the population lives, don't we give Paltrow a pass? Probably because the Oscar winner -- who was raised in a Hollywood family by her mom, actress Blythe Danner, and her father, the late director Bruce Paltrow -- sounds like she wants it both ways. To be seen as an everyday woman who shares chicken dinner tips with her pals, but who, based on her writing, seems to assume that anyone reading her blog also has the resources to build a pizza oven, host a dinner for 60 friends, or pop over to Paris for some night cream. Basically, most of us are sick of Patronizing Paltrow.
As for the app, I'll probably pass. When in New York, I prefer a high-calorie bagel made with evil white flour washed down with coffee made three hours prior from pre-ground canned beans at the corner deli. And I doubt Gwynnie will be able to help ...