Whenever you see photos of Jennifer Lopez with her 4-year-old twins, Max and Emme — whether they're playing on the beach or visiting the Easter bunny — they appear to be the picture of happiness. But the "American Idol" judge says it wasn't always perfect. Right after she gave birth, she suffered from a serious case of baby blues, making it hard for her to bond with her little ones.
"I remember after the babies were born, about seven to 10 days in, I was like, 'What is going on with me?'" Lopez, 42, says in the June issue of Redbook. "I felt sad and depressed and thought the babies didn't love me."
Lopez, who had her twins with her soon-to-be ex-husband Marc Anthony, says she actually turned to the book in which her latest movie is based upon — What to Expect When You're Expecting written by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel — in order to better understand her feelings.
"I actually remember picking up the book to try to see what was happening to me," Lopez, who is now dating dancer Casper Smart, tells the magazine. "And it said how you have this huge hormonal drop about seven to 10 days after you give birth. It's called the 'baby blues.' But I just thought they didn't like me!"
These days when Lopez needs to find relaxation for her mind, the singer — who recently announced she'll be touring with Enrique Iglesias this summer — heads for her bathroom. "My sanctuary is my bathtub," she says. "That's really the only time I get to myself. It's usually around 15 or 20 minutes, but for me, those minutes are like heaven on earth. Sometimes I even say a little prayer while I'm in there. I'm like, 'Lord, help me get through this day!'"
Lopez — who seems blissfully in love with Smart, the lead choreographer for her upcoming tour — recently addressed the topic of having more children, calling it a "blessing." However, she tells Redbook she often feels overwhelmed just juggling the twins with her busy career. "There's a constant worry that comes along with being a parent. It never goes away. I'm sure women who don't have kids have a more carefree attitude about life. I think all women ask themselves, 'Can I really do all of this?' But for me the rewards are so great, and that love you feel for them is so fulfilling — even when they're driving you nuts! ... When kids enter the picture, it's like you keep moving into another level. Kids open your heart and your soul in a different way. It changes you as a person."
"What to Expect When You're Expecting" — which has a star-studded cast including Cameron Diaz, Elizabeth Banks, Brooklyn Decker and Anna Kendrick — hits theaters May 18. Redbook's interview with the five leading ladies from the film hits newsstands May 15.
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