America was in dire straits Saturday night when Alec Baldwin's Donald Trump returned to Saturday Night Live. Aliens from planet Zorblat-9 were attacking the United States and controlled most of America, with the exception of Washington, D.C. and California, which has been vaporized.
As the human race embarked on what would surely be a fight for its very survival, our brave troops turned to our fearless leader for inspiration and motivation.
"We've lost limbs, we've lost lives, but we will not lose the United States of America," said General Baxter, played by Keenan Thompson. "But first, your commander in chief wants to say a word."
Enter President Trump, perfectly coiffed and donning a bomber jacket.
"Hello, yes, what a beautiful day. Who here loves Trump? I know this guy here loves Trump," he said, pointing to a body that was burnt to a crisp by alien lasers.
"Here's the deal: We are going to beat these aliens because we have got the best military, but we don't win anymore," Trump continued, "And the aliens are laughing at us. They're killing us, and they're laughing at us."
Yeah, um, we kinda already knew that. The general jumped in to clarify that the aliens attacking us were a "highly advanced" species from the planet Zorblat-9.
"I've actually heard Zorblat-9 is very beautiful, very fantastic," Trump said.
"Oh, my God. Does he have business ties on Zorblat-9?" a concerned soldier asked.
Yep, he does. Which means: We're all screwed.
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