Do You Keep Your Hair Long … for Your Partner?

Are you avoiding a haircut because of him? (Photo: Gallery Stock)

Long. Short. Asymmetrical. Ombré. Pink. Green… When it comes to hair, there’s a style to match every flavor of female individuality. But according to a new story in the Daily Mail, some women are keeping their hair long to please their men.

In the piece, 62-year-old Linda Rampling says she hasn’t always been a fan of her long hair — but those long locks have always played into her husband’s attraction to her. “I’d rather he liked me for my personality and humor than my hair!” she told the Mail.

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But when she cut it three years ago for her husband’s 60th birthday, he was visibly displeased. “On a whim, I got my hair cut into a bob,” she says. “I was so fed up with Steve badgering me about it that I decided to go for something dramatic … I thought it looked great. But Steve was absolutely furious. He hated it on sight. He constantly criticized it afterward too.”

Linda isn’t the only one who is aware of her man’s long-locked admiration. According to 57-year-old Jill Buchanan’s husband, Steve, her flowing hair is downright perfect. “I define Jill by her hair,” he says in the piece. “When the sun catches it, it brings out the golden and brown tones. I love hearing other people compliment her on it too.”

Related: I Cut My Hair and My Daughter Freaked Out

Anwar and Lisa Ghaith have also dealt with hair-related disagreements. “In my family, my mom and my sisters all had long hair. It’s what demarcates the difference between males and females,” Anwar told the Mail. “I prefer my wife and my daughters to look feminine.”

Lisa now knows this. “Three years ago, I had it cut to my shoulders,” she says. “Anwar really didn’t like it — I could tell, as he was distant.”

This story wasn’t sitting well with us, and we wondered: Is it normal to be this upset with your significant other’s shifting lock lengths?

Although we’d all like to think of ourselves as independent women, “the need to please” is conditioned in each of us from birth,” counselor and psychologist Karla Ivankovich, PhD, an adjunct professor of psychology at the University of Illinois, Springfield, tells Yahoo Beauty. “As such, a lot of us believe that recognition or approval from others improves our self-worth. With this in mind, we care what the husband thinks, because it gives us an elevated sense of esteem.”

We’re also influenced by what culture deems beautiful, and certain stereotypes have emerged over the years — which some men do definitely embrace. “Note that Darwinian theory held that what was deemed beautiful lacked consensus among men in all cultures,” says Ivankovich. “But long hair has historically represented youth and beauty in this culture — and beauty has been associated with a host of positive personality traits, like success and happiness. There are strong gender roles and identities tied to being female, and one of those is the concept of having long hair.” (We suppose you can’t erase all those generations of long-hair love in one swift shake-up of the trends.)

So how is this interplay at work between the sexes? According to Ivankovich, it is possible that some men try to stay young along with (and by way of) their wives — and women will often aim to remain attractive to their husbands, especially as they age. “The fear of being alone is a prominent concern,” she says. “If a woman, coupled up with a man for a long time, thinks that she has to maintain her hair length in order to remain in her relationship, she will most likely do that. The hair struggle is a lot less cumbersome than being alone.”

These fears may be subconscious, unfounded, and untrue. But they do hint at deeper issues. “From a relational standpoint, it can certainly cause a significant amount of conflict,” Ivankovich says. “When we are in a relationship, we tend to ‘compromise’ on issues that are not deal breakers for us. Hairstyles can be just that, but they are typically ever-changing. If there is a fear that the relationship is rooted in things that are ever-changing, there will always be unrest, and this signals a lack of security and trust.”

If you’re hanging on to your long mane despite lusting after a new lob, Ivankovich suggests telling your partner you fear he’ll be turned off by your new ’do. “If it is a valid fear, they need to evaluate whether the relationship is healthy,” says Ivankovich. “A committed relationship is based on mutual respect.”

Thankfully, there’s hope for a new wave of super-stellar relationships. Ivankovich noted that most of the men in the Mail story were quite a bit younger than their wives, and none of them were of the millennial age — who have been plenty smitten with an array of shorter-haired stars like Jennifer Lawrence, Taylor Swift, and Scarlett Johansson. “Millennials have a different outlook,” she says. “They are the most emotionally intelligent generation to date. So while they’re certainly interested in looks, they are also conditioned to look at traits that are outside of just the physical realm.”

Ivankovich isn’t sure we’ll ever see long hair fall from its place atop the cultural hair hierarchy. “Even after we’ve been more accepting of all body types as beautiful, long hair remains, reinforcing its power,” she says. “It’s like Medusa.”

At the same time, in regards to style and length, your personal hair choices help define your sense of self — and love every inch of it. “While much research suggests that men like long hair, there is just as much research identifying that men love confidence,” Ivankovich says. “For many women, hairstyle acts as an outward expression of personality, which enhances that confidence.” Word.