8 Ways Your Life Changes When You Become Confident
Confidence changes everything. (Photo: Getty)
In a recent conversation with a friend, I described myself as “insecure.”
“No, you’re not,” he said. “That’s not how you come off, at least.”
That’s when I realized the way I’d been picturing myself since I was a teenager wasn’t accurate anymore. I was going after work opportunities I wanted, negotiating pay, turning down dates who disrespected me, and saying “no” unapologetically. I’d been succeeding in my career and thriving socially for a while, but the difference was, I now acknowledged it.
Maybe it was the new dance workout class I was taking or all the Nicki Minaj I’d been listening to. Or maybe it was just my entrance into my mid-20s. Whatever it was, I no longer questioned or needed validation as to whether I was interesting, intelligent, attractive, or funny. I just knew it, no matter what anyone said.
Now, before you think I’m cocky, keep in mind that this is coming from someone who used to do breathing exercises before first dates and loiter by the pizza at networking events in hopes that some other loner would come get a slice so I’d have someone to talk to. If I can reach this level of confidence, anyone can. And it’s worth working toward. Confidence transforms all areas of your life and gives you a new lens to view the world. Here are some changes you can look forward to experiencing when you gain confidence.
1. You take criticism gracefully.
Confident people have an easier time taking criticism because we don’t interpret it as the word of God. Even when the critique hits the nail on the head, we know it’s about things we’ve done, not who we are. We’re willing to accept that we’ve made mistakes because we know our mistakes don’t define us and that we remain pretty awesome people despite them.
2. You give people the benefit of the doubt.
If someone says or does something to offend a confident person, they’ll let it slide because they know it’s not personal. (And when it is personal, they just don’t believe it.) For example, I used to get offended when people forgot things I told them, as if this signaled my lack of importance to them. Now, I give people the benefit of the doubt when they forget things about me, since I believe I am memorable.
3. You reveal more about yourself.
Ever since I’ve become confident, I’ve opened up more to friends and strangers alike. Because I approve of who I am, I want to share it. For example, I used to get scared of calling myself a feminist because I’ve seen people react negatively to that aspect of my identity. Now, I don’t care because I recognize that a negative reaction would reflect poorly on them, not me. Confident people know that if others judge them for their beliefs, identities, or pasts, that’s their problem.
4. You listen to opposing viewpoints.
Confident people know what they believe and trust that they have good reasons to believe it. When we hear opposing viewpoints, we don’t freak out that we’ve been wrong all this time. We hear people out. If their arguments don’t make sense, we feel free to disagree, but if they do, we’re willing to readjust our beliefs. We know we’re still learning, and that doesn’t undermine our intelligence.
5. You don’t believe everything people say about you.
Confident people are open to feedback, but they also know themselves well enough to determine when something said about them is just plain wrong. People don’t always speak with the best intentions, so we don’t trust what the haters say. If someone happens not to like us, that doesn’t get us down either because we know that’s just their opinion.
6. You speak with conviction.
Confident people don’t apologize for their opinions. We speak loudly and clearly enough to be heard, and we don’t use equivocal language. We acknowledge that we could be wrong, but so could anyone, and we all have an equal right to be heard.
7. You see others in a positive light.
Insecure people sometimes focus on others’ flaws because they need to reassure themselves that other people aren’t better than them. Confident people aren’t afraid to praise others because they know they’re equally praise-worthy.
8. Past behaviors become clear.
When you look at life through the eyes of a confident person, the behavior of insecure people becomes clearer, including your own. Since I’ve become more confident, I’ve been able to see how I acted out of insecurity in the past without even realizing it. A friend had told me a while ago that I was overly critical of her, and at the time, I couldn’t see what she meant. But now, I see that I was critical because I wanted to prove to myself that she wasn’t better than me. Now that I’m more confident in myself, I’m aware that behavior wasn’t coming from the best place. Hindsight vision really is 20/20, but you can’t use it until you’ve outgrown your past patterns. When you grow confident, everything comes into focus.
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