Mercedes, Build Me a Cheaper C-Class

Jeff Perez
June 4, 2013

Alright, well I’ve been relatively in the market for a new car for some time. And by relatively I mean I’m comparing and contrasting cars I’ve driven, cars I’ve seen, prices, options- I’ve even gone so far as to travel to a few of those soul-sucking places known as “car dealerships”. So far, it’s been more of nothing than anything.

But I’ll give you an idea of some of the cars I’ve grown fond of as of yet: Hyundai Veloster Turbo, Subaru WRX hatchback, Subaru BRZ, BMW 1-Series and Mercedes C250 Coupe. See, the last one is a bit tricky. Where as you can get any of those other four vehicles (used or new) stripped out, for a relatively lower cost than the C250 coupe (about $25-28K) the Benz is expensive as hell and comes with things I don’t want/need.

Based on looks alone though, the C-Class coupe is my favorite (although, driving-wise I would say the WRX is the correct answer). But when you get down to the nitty gritty, a seven-speed dual clutch transmission is essentially useless, and while you can opt for a bone-stock- or what Mercedes considers bone-stock with Bluetooth, sport seats and climate control- it stills rings up somewhere near $40K. Which is not in this struggling writers budget. Um, at all.

Mercedes-Benz C-Class Coupe 2
Mercedes-Benz C-Class Coupe 2

So what do I want Mercedes? Well, I’ll tell you what I want. What I really really want. You can keep your $40K coupe for all I care, but give me a C250 with nothing. NOTHING. Six-speed manual transmission, an auxiliary cord if I’m lucky, cloth seats, air conditioning and a steering wheel. Nothing more, nothing less. Oh, and make it about $25K, considering the CLA is just about $29K with all that and then some.

In the end, I’m just going to end up taking it to some “German Car Specialist” down in South Miami- who’s undoubtedly going to fuck something up- and tell him to upgrade the ECU and throw in a chip for $150 and a cafe con leche. Badda boom, badda bing. So Merc, just go ahead and send that to my house, thanks in advance.