“Lo Res” Proves Shoe Companies Should Not Make Cars

Why is a shoe company designing cars? That’s the question we’re all asking, and the answer is perhaps because they can, albeit not very well.

According to United Nude—who, as part of its “Lo Res Project,” deemed a vehicle to be a suitable replacement for a stiletto—says the wedge-shaped design actually derives from a Lamborghini Countach. If you’re wondering how, in fact, this aerodynamic block of cheddar resembles a classic supercar, you’re not alone.

The basic premise of United Nude’s Lo Res project, something that’s been ongoing for the past few years and has birthed concepts like this pixilated chair, is to gradually reduce the 3D resolution of a design until it’s polygon count is at a minimum. Here, it looks like something from an old Atari video game. To the fashion world, this is seen as “abstract” and “avant-garde”—terms floated around more frequently than Trump’s “Make America Great Again.” However, to the rest of the world, it just looks like a lazy dad’s pinewood derby car.

Above are some of the steps taken to ruin one of the automotive world’s most iconic designs. There’s a reason pixel count has become a big deal, and generally we want more of them. United Nude disagrees.

“The Lo Res car is a conceptual design experiment, rather than a conventional car,” the company says. “Its abstract (Ed—there’s that word again) appearance makes it look like a moving sculpture.”

That’s right, the Lo Res car actually moves under its own power. According to United Nude, “the engine is electric,” which of course is further indication that a shoe company should stick to making footwear; there is no engine—the electric motor has a top speed of 30 mph.

There are no doors, either, with the entire transparent canopy hinged at the rear and opened electronically. Inside, United Nude forgot about its uncluttered design philosophy and left all components—including an array of batteries—exposed for all to see. The steering wheel, though, is a chrome polygon, because one should always reinvent the wheel.

The Lo Res is already receiving critical acclaim, securing the 2016 Wallpaper Design Award. And the company has only just begun: “United Nude is designing and developing more cars and will continue to challenge conventional car making and the future of cars.”

Why? The company did not immediately respond to our request for comment.

United Nude uses this philosophy of lowering the 3D resolution in its line of shoes, and as you can see below, as far as fancy footwear goes, it does look rather nice.

But as a car?

There’s a reason General Motors doesn’t offer knee-high boots. Let’s just be thankful United Nude didn’t replicate Rag & Bone’s heinous PR stunt; while a dreadfully dull-looking design, at least no vintage Porsches were harmed.