Lisa Steadman

Love + Sex
What's Your Love Brand?
Whether you find yourself celebrating The Ones Who Got Away or The One, today's an important day to ask yourself: Why's My Love Brand?
12 years ago
Love + Sex
2 Tickets To Paradise, 1 Expired Passport (A.K.A. Life Lessons Learned On My Summer Vacation)
Picture yourself in the Caribbean, enjoying the most breathtaking view of sun, sand, and surf. A gentle breeze kisses your face, and there you are, not a care in the world. Sounds heavenly doesn't it? That's EXACTLY the image I'd pictured in my head for weeks leading up to my husband's and my long anticipated vacation to Grand Cayman. In the 6 years since we first met, travel has been a major player in our relationship. We've had the most extraordinary adventures together, taking off for New Zealand for 3 months while I wrote my second book, spending a month in a quaint rented apartment on Rue St. Antoine in The Marais district of Paris on our honeymoon, discovering the world's most delicious tapas in Spain, and becoming Malbec and beef connoisseurs in Buenos Aires. I guess you could say that adventure and travel are in our blood. This summer, however, we decided to slow it down and have our first relaxing vacation together. After doing some research, we decided on Grand Cayman in the Caribbean. Booked our luxury hotel, secured our first class seats, and made all the necessary arrangements for our lives and business to run smoothly without us while we enjoyed nine days of sun, fun, surf, and play. Imagine the shock and disappointment when we arrived at LAX 2 Fridays ago, only to realize my husband's passport had expired 3 months ago. (Keep in mind that this is a man who travels for work 20+ weeks a year. He makes all his own travel arrangements and NEVER misses a flight!) Needless to say, we were both a little stunned by his oversight. Without a valid passport, we knew there was no way we could leave the country. So much for that relaxing and romantic vacation! Thanks to some quick thinking, we didn't cancel our trip. We simply shifted destinations. Within a few hours of realizing our Caribbean adventure was not meant to be, we'd secured first class tickets and hotel and spa reservations at a hotel on Waikiki. Having just returned from our delightful getaway, I'm happy to say it was pure heaven! Somewhere between doing Downward Dog on the beach, getting all our stress and cares massaged away at the spa, discovering undersea life while snorkeling, and sipping pina coladas while swaying to the music of a ive band, I realized something. While this vacation was purely relaxation, the lessons I learned were pretty universal to life, love, and business. Here's what I learned on my summer vacation… 1. Financial Freedom Is Priceless Not to get all Mastercard on you, but being financially free really IS priceless. In the last four years of my business, I've easily invested hundreds of thousands of dollars in my business development. And for YEARS, I was so consumed with business debt or looming payments to business coaches, publicists, and other big ticket items that I felt like a rat on a treadmill, forced to keep running just to stay in the game. Even once I broke the 6 figure barrier, everything I made was still going right back into my business and I was once again BROKE. One day my husband looked at my business model and suggested there was a better way. In the last year, I've discovered the value of making MORE money than I need. For the first time in our lives, The Hubs and I didn't worry about what our vacation was costing us. Neither of us flinched at the additional fees we incurred for changing flights and hotels. We didn't bat an eye at the slightly inflated spa prices, booking multiple treatments during our stay. And yes, the sushi bill at Nobu initially made me gasp, but I quickly recovered, happily treating The Hubs to a night on the town. That's value of not just breaking even, but being financially free. PRICELESS. 2. Be Willing To Change Directions On A Dime In life and in business, do you have a clear vision in your head of how you want things to happen? While having a vision is key to your happiness, being willing to be flexible with that vision is ESSENTIAL. If I'd insisted we go to The Caribbean or go home, guess what? I would have spent my summer vacation on the couch, feeling pretty pissed off. Instead, by being willing to be flexible, we had an incredible time! What can you be more flexible about in your life or business? If something's not working, instead of beating yourself up or feeling like a failure, what can YOU do to change directions on a dime and change the outcome? 3. Carefully Select and Nurture Your Partnerships I confess: In any other romantic relationship I've ever been in, an expired passport would have been cause for a HUGE fight, possibly a breakup, or at the very least, several months of The Blame Game. Fortunately, I chose my husband with care. We've discovered we can laugh through almost anything. And what we can't laugh at, we find a fair resolution to. So while I was disappointed that his passport had expired and we couldn't go to the Caribbean, I never blamed or judged my husband. Instead, we sought out a reasonable solution. In your personal and professional partnerships, are you playing fair and bringing out the best in each other, or do you struggle to see eye to eye and often secretly sabotage one another's success? Now's a good time to take a look at the partnerships you've created and see what YOU can do to make them better. 4. Stop Forcing/Start Surrendering I admit it. I'm a control freak. And in the past, I would have spent a good 3 days obsessing about the good time we COULD HAVE BEEN HAVING in the Caribbean rather than simply surrendering to the delight of floating on a raft in the sea off Waikiki Beach, giving thanks for the change in plans. What can you STOP forcing in your life or business and START surrendering to that will make your life more fun, less stressful, or just plain easier? What if you STOPPED doing what's NOT working and STARTED taking different actions to get a different result? 5. Trust What's Happening I'm not saying that going to Grand Cayman would have been a mistake. I'm sure we would have loved it there. However, I've found that trusting what's happening in your life and business is far easier and more productive than questioning every move you make. Once upon a time (also known as my 20s and early 30s), I'd question WHY things didn't work out with a guy after every bad date or devastating breakup. Deep down, I always knew these guys weren't right for me. Unfortunately, I wasn't willing to TRUST what was happening and ended up causing myself a lot of grief and unnecessary heartache. Once my husband showed up, everything made sense. And I was thankful none of those other relationships had lasted any longer than they did. What's happening in your life and business that would make more sense if you simply trusted everything was working out for the best. 6. Take Time Off (Even When You Think You Can't Afford To I have a confession to make. I WORKED during my month long honeymoon in Paris. In the last 5 years, my husband and I have taken a lot of amazing vacations and I've worked through them ALL. Either I've been writing a book on a deadline or working with clients via Skype or updating my blog on a daily basis. I just never bothered to separate work and play because I love both parts of my life. However, I realized that while I love my business AND my life, the two do not have to be inextricably linked. AND…drum roll please…I might actually serve my clients BETTER (and write with more finesse and punch) by taking some time OFF. That's why I declared that this vacation would be a full on digital detox. That meant no phone, email, texting, or social media for nine days. Gulp! While I was excited by the idea, I was also a little nervous, worrying, would my business SUFFER as a result? Would anyone CARE when I returned? Setting my fears aside, I embarked on my 9 day digital detox and LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. Somewhere between easing into Warrior 1 while listening to the rhythm of the ocean and having all my tension massages away at the spa, I realized that life and business will go on -- and may actually improve - when you take time away from them. So there you have it. The 6 lessons I learned on my summer vacation. What lessons are YOU learning this summer that will forever change your life and business? Share your comments here. 
13 years ago
Love + Sex
How to Meet Your Husband in 2011
 Be honest. Did your New Year's resolutions for 2011 include some variation of "I want to meet my husband this year!"? Then keep reading. It's time to set the scene so you can purposefully and powerfully manifest Mr. Right. First, let's clarify your REAL resolution. The truth is, I don't think what you REALLY want is to be married. I believe what you ultimately want - what most single women want - is to find YOUR beautiful, blissful, unique happily ever after story. You want to fall madly in love with Mr. Right. And vice versa. Why wouldn't you want that? Every person on the planet deserves to find healthy and happy love with their perfect partner. There's just one problem. A lot of single women don't have all the tools they need to get love right. You may not have all the tools you need to get love right. I know I didn't when I was single. Once upon a time, I repeatedly got love WRONG. I chose the wrong men. I didn't know my own needs, let alone how to communicate my own needs to my partner. I let my emotional baggage rule my relationships. And as a result, my relationships suffered under the tremendous weight of my baggage. I wasn't the only one coming to the relationship with unhealthy habits, beliefs, and patterns. My partners weren't exactly poster children for healthy and happy men. And why would they be? If like attracts like - and it does - I was always attracting my emotional equal. Ay-ay-ay! You will, too. And that's why it's essential to get as healthy and happy with yourself and your own life before becoming somebody's wife. Before settling down with someone, you'll want to make peace with yourself, your issues, and any baggage you haven't already healed. The truth is, nobody can fix you, save you, rescue you, or heal you. That is, no one but Y-O-U. So if you're stuck in a fantasy that Prince Charming is going to come along and save you from your so-so life, do yourself a huge favor and rescue yourself this year. How do you rescue yourself? Start by following these 4 basic steps: Step #1: Identify What or Who is Holding You Back Whether you think your ex was The One, if your dysfunctional family has you running away from getting close to others, or if your beliefs about love have somehow shut you down to the possibility of ever finding it again, keep reading. The first step in opening up to healthy and happy love in 2011 is to identify who and/or what is holding you back from manifesting Mr. Right. The truth is, your past may be keeping you stuck in ALL areas of your life. To get un-stuck, now's the time to name and claim your obstacles in order to deal and heal. This may be a step that requires professional help. Enlist the assistance of a therapist, coach, mentor, or friend to work with you through the breaking free process. Step #2: Release Your Need to Be Right and Surrender to Being Happy Are you so attached to your beliefs that love has to be difficult, unsatisfying, or impossible to experience that your need to be right is overpowering your desire to be happy? Here are some examples of what I mean: Are you choosing to be right as in Yes, you ARE too old, too fat, too screwed up to ever find love… Are you choosing to be right as in Yes, your ex was the best thing that ever happened to you and you'll never meet anyone as amazing as he was ever again… Are you choosing to be right as in Yes, your parents screwed you up so badly that there's no way love can show up for you… If so, then your need to be right about being single is far more powerful than your desire to change your single status. Starting today, what if you simply chose to be HAPPY? If all you have to do to meet your husband is CHOOSE to no longer believe that it's hard, impossible, or out of reach for you to experience the kind of love you desire and deserve, how EASY is that? If all you have to do to meet your husband is CHOOSE to be happy as you are right now, instead of who you may one day become (that debt free, cellulite free, baggage-free ideal we long to become but may never actually attain), how FREEING is that? If all you have to do to meet your husband is surrender to the beautiful truth that love IS available for you, that it's not too late, that you're open to it showing up any day now, how FABULOUS is that? Today, surrender your need to be right about why you're still single and instead choose a happier and healthier love future, even if it hasn't shown up yet. Step #3: Celebrate Good Men Now that you've identified who and what may have been holding you back from manifesting Mr. Right, and have surrendered to the fact that happiness is so much sexier than the need to be right, it's time to take the next step in your journey towards meeting your husband. It's time to start celebrating the good men already IN your life. The truth is, there are good men EVERYWHERE, both already in your life and just passing through on a daily basis. However, if you do not see them, acknowledge them, and celebrate them, you will forever sabotage your chances of meeting your husband. Start paying attention to the men who open doors for you, who help you fix your flat tire, who share their umbrella with you, who smile at you, etc. Celebrate these simple acts by good men and before you know it, you'll start appreciating men more and more. And when the right one comes along, you'll be ready to recognize and celebrate HIM! Step #4: Become The Chooser So many women spend years -- decades even -- letting other people choose what's best for them. They let their parents tell them what to do. They let boyfriends and ex-husbands tell them what to do. They let their alpha female friends tell them what to do. They let their jobs and bosses tell them what to do. And they remain in the passenger seat of their lives. So how do you become The Chooser in your life? First, you stop WAITING for opportunities to find YOU. Specifically, you stop sitting around, hoping some guy will notice you. You STOP attending singles events and lurking on online dating sites just hoping and praying someone will see you, fall madly in love with you, and rescue you from your humdrum life. Instead, you get ballsy, put yourself out there, smile, make eye contact, and talk to men on a daily basis (at the grocery store, in the latte line, in the elevator at work, at the gym, in line for popcorn at the movies, while rollerblading on the beach, on the subway, at the bookstore, while volunteering for that cause near and dear to your heart, while enjoying live music at your favorite hot spot, at the chiropractor, at yoga class, etc.) See how many opportunities there are in every day life to make eye contact, smile, and strike up a conversation? Have fun with this! Step 5: Understand the Difference Between Mr. Wrong, Mr. Next, and Mr. Right As you start meeting men in 2011, pay attention to which category you put them in. Mr. Wrong is the guy you've dated and ultimately assessed that he does not measure up to your long term wants, needs, and desires. Mr. Next is a guy you've met and started to get to know. He shows a whole lot of promise, and yet you're withholding your final decision until you find out more about him. He could be your husband, but for now he's Mr. Next. And that's a good thing! Mr. Right is that elusive, once or twice in a lifetime guy who comes along, meets your wants, needs, and requirements, shares similar goals and plans for the future, and is interested and available for commitment with you. AND, you are interested in him and available for commitment with him. Trust me, this guy is worth the wait. If you haven't found him yet, you're well on your way. For more tips on how to meet your husband in 2011, <a rel="nofollow" href="http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/">enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.</a> You can also pick up my e-book <a rel="nofollow" href="http://howtomeetyourhusband.com/">How to Meet Your Husband: Unlock the 5 Essential Secrets to STOP Attracting Jerks, Get Out Of Your Dating Desert, and Manifest Mr. Right.</a> 
13 years ago
Love + Sex
A Case for The Backup Plan
Once upon a time, I thought time had run out on my chance to get love right.While all my friends were marrying, settling down, and starting families, I was once again staring at the smoldering remains of yet another failed relationship with yet another Mr. Wrong.
14 years ago
Love + Sex
Fairytales Do Come True (And Other Lies Your Mother Told You)
When you think back to your childhood, what were some of the earliest messages you got about love, marriage, and relationships? And not just from watching your parents' relationship. Think about your collective childhood influences when it came to romance. From the fairy tales your parents read you
14 years ago
Love + Sex
4 Common Mistakes Single Women Make
I recently attended a screening of The Backup Plan with Jennifer Lopez. In the film, Jennifer plays Zoe, an ex corporate type who's reinvented her career and, on the verge of turning 40, decides to reinvent her personal life too. With no Mr. Right in sight, Zoe decides she's not waiting any longer t
14 years ago
Love + Sex
Can you really be friends with an ex?
Can we be friends?
14 years ago
Love + Sex
If Heâ€™s Not The One, Who Is?
I'm single. Again. I'm 32 and single again.
14 years ago
Love + Sex
The Backup Plan: Life (and love) is what happens when youâ€™re busy making other plans
I recently attended a screening of Jennifer Lopez's new film The Backup Plan. In the movie, Jennifer plays an ex-corporate 39 year old woman who left her lucrative tech job because it wasn't satisfying, launched her passion project, a high end pet boutique, and without Mr. Right in sight decides to
14 years ago
Love + Sex
Forget The Bachelor! What American Idol can teach you about the search for love
I confess. I may be the only dating coach in America who doesn't watch The Bachelor for research.And I didn't do a big media blitz around Valentine's Day either.
14 years ago
Author Blog Posts
Dating 101: The Doâ€™s and Don'ts of Rocking Your Dating Life
In 2010, finding someone to date isn't nearly as tricky as mastering the art of dating. Between online dating, singles events, and the old-fashioned in-person meet and greet, it's possible to date someone new on a regular basis. But how do you make the most of these chances to meet your perfect part
14 years ago
Author Blog Posts
Breaking Up, Facebook Style: Top 5 Mistakes People Make Following A Breakup
There's no denying it. Breaking up is oh-so hard to do, especially in today's 24-hour techno-savvy world of Facebook, Twitter, and post-breakup booty calls arranged via sex-ting. If you're nursing a broken heart, be sure to avoid these emotionally costly social networking mistakes…
14 years ago