The *holds beer mug to mouth* Denver Broncos defeated (my beloved) Carolina Panthers 24-10 in Super Bowl 50 last night. Denver’s ferocious, relentless, ruthless, and other synonyms for “vicious” defense overwhelmed Carolina’s offense during their first series, and never let up. After the game, an understandably shaken Cam Newton walked out of his press conference, giving sports talk radio callers something to yell about all offseason.
It was not a good game for the Panthers, and the Internet mocked them for their effort, but they weren’t the real losers: Woo Guy was.
Instead of talking about the game itself, or the trailers for Captain America: Civil War, Deadpool, or X-Men: Apocalypse, everyone on Twitter kept coming back to Woo Guy, the game’s real MVP (most vexatious person) for his ever-present soundtrack on CBS’ broadcast. He was like a mosquito in your ear, a beeping noise driving you mad, a Ric Flair impersonator on repeat.
Hey @cbs can you find and destroy the woo-ing guy next to the microphone at the Super Bowl? Thanx.
— Jeremy Schneider (@jeress) February 8, 2016
#SuperBowl ; if that SAME dude near the mic saying "wooo" at that SAME high-pitched tone doesn't shut up soon, I'm going to shoot the TV.
— Casey J McDonald (@caseyoffhermeds) February 8, 2016
— Bustle (@bustle) February 8, 2016
— Jon Jones (@jonjones) February 8, 2016
Suing NFL for only hearing "WOOOO WOOO WOOO WOOO" during the whole entire super bowl
— εrinni (@_baby_binks) February 8, 2016
To whomever this guy is at the Super Bowl that keeps screaming "WOOO" at the same pitch: I want to rip your vocal folds out.
— Becca Bradley (@BeccaLBradley) February 8, 2016
Satan: Welcome to hell.
[unseen, from somewhere in the back]
Satan: He never stops, btw. #wooguy
— Turd Fergussen (@OhTurdFergussen) February 8, 2016
— me (@Kelly_Lum) February 8, 2016
I bet #wooguy is a Coldplay fan.
— Jason Newell (@jasondnewell) February 8, 2016
— Daniel Kross (@Kross) February 8, 2016
The fan by the microphone screaming WHOOOOOOOOO has officially zoned me out! 👊🏾😳😠 #SuperBowl
— no worries (@getyouakeisha) February 8, 2016
— SNICKERS® (@SNICKERS) February 8, 2016
— Seth MacFarlane (@SethMacFarlane) February 8, 2016
You know it’s serious when Snickers and Seth MacFarlane are involved. Anyway, when ESPN does a 30 for 30 on this fool, the final lines will be, “At the end of every day, I drive through the city of Charleston and I cross the bridge that will take me home. I feel the words building inside me, I can’t stop them, or tell you why I say them, but as I reach the top of the bridge, these words come to me in a whisper. I say these words as a prayer, as regret, as praise, I say: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”