Who has the hippest PC on the block? Little Chloe impresses all the girls with her Barbie PC, while young Brandon drives a rip-snorting Hot Wheels PC. Computers aren't just putty-colored footrests anymore. They're fully customizable companions that symbolize your individuality and belief in personal freedom. Witness:
The Andy Kaufman Model
The Andy Kaufman Model is a fitting tribute to the late great comedian (and subject of a forthcoming Jim Carrey biopic). Browse the comprehensive bookmark collection of intergender wrestling resources. Hit the shift key to effortlessly glide between multiple personalities. Punch the escape button to fake your own death. In Tony Clifton mode, surf smut while you guzzle highballs. Shut down and hear those immortal words, "DankYouVeryMuch!" Did we mention the Elvis Presley rhinestone detail work?
Jim's Computer
Jim's Computer -- based on the brain-freezing comic strip Jim's Journal by Scott Dikkers -- is okay. Just like Jim's Journal follows the life of a perfectly average guy going about experiencing a perfectly average life, Jim's Computer is really average. Press a button and it turns on. Click the mouse and the screen will do something. Put in a CD and it'll play music. Put a sticker on it to make it look a little different. Look at some web sites, then maybe eat some cereal. Then go to sleep.
Java-Powered Processor
This hypercharged computer system doesn't run Java, it runs on java! Joe. Coffee. That's right! Just fill up the tank with 8-12 cups of cold water and hit CTRL-ALT-DELETE. In no time you'll be surfing the Web and sipping the best cup of mountain-grown Colombian you've ever had. Plus, the CD-ROM tray doubles as a mug-warmer. Learn more about this system and the pharmacological effects of coffee on your brain at the Coffee Science Information Centre. Rumors have Apple coming out with a Mochachino version early next year. Make mine a double.
Killer Quake Desktop
Ready to rock? Then power on and buckle up. The latest PC from San Francisco's Exploratorium is a 7.1 on the Richter scale! The first thing you'll notice is the menacing sound of glass crashing all around you. Then the shaking begins, lasting for up to 45 terrifying seconds! Plug in the 1989 Loma Prieta Rumble Pak and you'll get the complete experience of Life Along the Faultline, featuring a retrospective of recent catastrophic temblors and in-depth information on the science of seismology. Reinforced desk brackets recommended.
The Mystery Machine
Inspired by the classic cartoon Scooby Doo, the Mystery Machine features a newly released VELMA operating system -- stable, ultra-fast, and guaranteed to be "rut roh-free." Packaged with a customized Shaggy Internet browser that runs on JINKIES (Java Interactive Network Knowledge Internal Embedded Solution), the Mystery Machine will have you shouting "ZOIKS!" as soon as you connect to the Web. Turn on, boot up, run away.El Machino
This powerful, high-end computer system is normally built fresh every single day for just one woman -- Kathy, a young lady strangely obsessed with Chevy's Restaurants. But now you can have an El Machino built fresh every day. El Machino's roasted-pepper brown case, avocado green monitor, and the tortilla-shaped mousepad make computing a merry fiesta. Ay carumba!
Kodak PC
Imagine a PC that's the size of a camera, takes high-quality pictures just like a camera, and uses film exactly like a camera. Encased in hard, black plastic, the Kodak PC runs on two AA batteries and is bundled with a telephoto lens. After using the Kodak PC, you can even develop the film and share the resulting photos with friends. You'll be well on the way to amassing a collection like the one at American Photography: A Century of Images. Note: the Kodak PC isn't really a computer. It's a camera. But that'll be our little secret.