1. Two Ewoks and a Wookiee walk into a bar. One Ewok pounds 12 Banthan Belly Burners, the other Ewok inhales 19 Frosty Hoth Lobotomies, while the Wookiee slams 38 Jedi Mind Blenders. The closest emergency room is 13 parsecs away. Who gets to drive the land speeder? Hint: try consulting Bantha Tracks, a gargantuan directory of Star Wars sites featuring chat rooms, gossip boards, character shrines, trivia quizzes, and much more.
2. Nigel Crimpton receives a six-month sentence at Nottingham Prison for nicking a pair of trousers. Bertie Needham gets slapped with a two-year stint at Brighton Gaol for pinching a milkman's lorry. Assuming that the bloody prison tea is close to tap water and let's not get started on the crumpets, who will try to escape first? For complete floorplans of both prisons, refer to Her Majesty's Prison Service, a weirdly sanitary and deeply disturbing guide to the British incarceration system.
3. You are stuck inside a crowded Tokyo subway car eating handful after handful of Ritz Bitz when you notice that your napkin is singing "La Vida Loca" in a heavy French accent. You are: a. having a nightmare; b. spending too much time surfing obscure web sites like Jargon Scout, a guide to emerging Internet lingo; or c. not very good at envisioning absurd hypothetical situations.
4. The web site 404 Research Lab offers tips, tricks, and cool examples of "file not found" error messages. The phone number 411 helps you find listings. The film Four Weddings and a Funeral starred popular British actor Hugh Grant. The Gettyburg address began "Four score and seven years ago..." What do these things all have in common? Tip: Club soda and baking powder gets out even the toughest wine stains.
5. Johnny lives on Elm Street and likes to put bugs in a shoebox and watch them fight. Timmy lives on Oak Street and likes to read books about pirates. Edwin Hubble lived near Los Angeles and theorized that the universe is expanding in all directions, as proven by the speed that galaxies move away from each other. This is further explored by HubbleConstant.com, which includes articles dealing with age-old questions like "How old is the universe?", "How big is it?", and "Will it collapse back in on itself?" If all of the preceding statements are true, who would win a fight--Johnny, Timmy, or Edwin Hubble?
6. Fresh off a double-shift at Barry's Faux Amish Quiltery, three weary quilt-makers profiled in the PBS special American Quilts walk into EZ Fabric N Liquor. The first quilt-maker buys 14 limes and three bunches of mint. The second quilt-maker purchases a one-pound bag of sugar and three bags of ice. The third quilt-maker buys two bottles of dark rum and a case of club soda. What kind of cool summer drink are they making?
7. Three Miss Universe contestants are enjoying a jai alai match when a talking monkey approaches and says, "Your nation has very high inflation." Assuming that Miss Romania sings Queen's "Radio Ga Ga" during the talent round, and that Miss Turkey and Miss Turkmenistan have Vaselined their teeth to appear "naturally delighted," who is the talking monkey addressing? Tip: Check out Your Nation, a new web site that lets you compare and contrast various countries.