(As Written From the Line Outside the Theater)
Day 1 - Phantom Menace, Meet Dirk, Or Should I Say...BOBA!!
Here we go--Tri-Cities Multiplex. Aw yeaah, baby! First in line! Got my laptop, lawn chair, sleeping bag, eight-week supply of Capri-Suns, and my painstakingly detailed Boba Fett costume. Buckle up soldier, only 47 days to go...Still the only one here. The others must be scrambling to assemble their gear. Let's see if my little Tri-Cities block party has made it onto PhantomCast.com, the site for obsessive Star Wars fans by obsessive Star Wars fans. Hmmn, not yet. They're probably on their way. Hurry up, guys! Time's a-wastin'...A Cub Scout just walked by. Saw him sizing up Boba. Aw yeaah...
Day 5 - Keepin' The Force Alive
Supply check: Laptop battery is dead. Half the Capri-Suns are gone. Looks like Boba may have to go in and see The Mod Squad just to drain the landspeeder, if you catch my drift. Or, if that dude in the cheesy wookiee costume holds my spot, I could go check out the Duke Ellington documentary. Saw a preview on Entertainment Tonight. It looked like a nice overview of his life and career. Seemed a little light on special effects, though...
Day 9 - Some Reading Material Would Have Been a Good Call
And maybe I should have brought a change of clothes. Developing a skin rash from the gloves. Boba very cold--wish I had my Bennetton sweater. Note: I'm not sure, but I think Joe Camel wants to kill me. He just sits there, staring from that bus-stop advertisement with a sinister look in his eyes. Why does he want to kill me? And what's with that nose?
Day 13 - Must Remember Not to Lock my Knees
Feeling somewhat fidgety. Just bought a Magic Marker and defaced that evil Joe Camel. Turned him into a less threatening camel named Joe Chemo. Learned that little trick from Adbusters Spoof Ads. Don't know what I'm going to do about that Obsession ad across the street. Boba could do without all that nakedness, especially while wearing my body armor.
Day 14 - Can You Say, "Food Shortage"?
Last night Boba briefly left the line to buy various liniments and salves in hopes of ridding himself of this torturous rash. Had to dip into my "grub" fund, but I'm doing okay. Boba has also resorted to dumpster diving behind the Panda Express. Eating with chopsticks while wearing my helmet is a bit problematic, but I guess I'll have to deal, 'cause this helmet ain't coming off! That's my Kimchi Story, and I'm sticking to it.
Day 17 - Ventilation Issues
Experiencing serious technical difficulties: visor fogging, elbow pads chafing, jetpack straps pinching, and the utility belt is inflicting some big-time lumbar hurt. In short, Boba is breaking up. Trying to numb the pain with Bali Highway, a mishmash of groovy Shockwave eye candy, but the going is tough. Plus, that nappy wookiee is starting to reek.
Day 23 - Me + Wookiee = Mucho Violencia
Well, the wookiee and I finally had it out. Accidentally ripped my cape with my blaster, he snorted, and I snapped. Boba cold-cocked him with his light saber handle. I know, I know, Boba Fett's not supposed to have a light saber, but I'm only human. Things are getting desperate. Someone suggested checking out Trooper Clerks, a hilarious spoof of Star Wars and Clerks, but I'm past all hope. Boba might not make it, amigos.
Day 31 - Must...Keep...Breathing
Mayday. Mayday. Panda Express dumpster locked. Theater restroom closed indefinitely for repairs. Wookiee has five surly Ewok buddies. Rash spreading to extremities. Wound from grapple hook incident turning septic. Boba going down. Repeat. Boba going down. Must dig deep, must find endurance. Help me, Jabba. Help, help me Jabba.
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