I'm Going to Alaska!
Budweiser executives were forced to reconsider their 1999 Super Bowl advertising campaign when several environmental groups strongly protested the use of puffins (a seabird native to Alaska) in the alcohol maker's commercials. Attempting to recapture the "SpudsMania" that swept the nation in the late 80's, Budweiser was hoping "Marty the Party Puffin" would generate a similar excitement. Budweiser's plan to rename Alaska's Gull Island, the bird's primary habitat, to Bud Bowl Gull Atoll now seems as dead as Joe Camel. When asked for comment, an Anheuser-Busch spokesman responded, "Beer is good. You are my bud."
Yo Quiero Marshall McLuhan!
Pitched alternately as a "deconstructionist take on ethnic stereotyping" and "another wacky talking-dog spot," this 30-second ad for the Communication Institute for Online Scholarship's Marshall McLuhan site was fatally hampered by financial constraints. It seems that CIOS, operating on a shoestring academic budget, was unable to raise the $200,000 needed to hire "Dinky" (the Taco Bell chihuahua) for a six-hour shoot. Bravely, in their desperate effort to help teachers "introduce students to the ideas of the Toronto School of communication," the site's creators got William F. Buckley to step in and deadpan "The medium is the message," while wearing an oversized sombrero.
Hey Kids! Do Try This at Home!
Some may fault manufacturer Gobler for spending 6.2 million dollars on a no-holds-barred advertising blitz without first securing Federal Trade Commission approval for its line of "neo-retro" children's toys. Still, most wouldn't argue with the potential appeal of the campaign, which featured teen supergroup Hanson cavorting through a wheat field playfully tossing about armfuls of Gobler's trademark Weiner Works home frankfurter kits. Disaster struck the company's Super Bowl dreams, however, when the FTC intervened and prohibited Gobler from making mention of Louie the Cheese Shark, an irascible bathtub buddy that blows "cheese-scented" soap bubbles. Apparently, the toy emits "toxic-scented" fumes when it comes in contact with water. Undaunted, company founder Ira Gobler has retreated to his lab with next year's Super Bowl squarely in his sights.
Buy Our Stuff. Please.
Hoping to revitalize their bottom lines, a loose coalition of vintage proprietorships, including Omega Oil (makers of "fine, miracle cure-alls") and Seely Shoulder Shapes ("quality body padding for every occasion"), pooled their resources and purchased a seven-second ad during the bargain-priced "first bathroom break." However, due to a communication foul-up the spot was delivered not on standard 1/2" Beta SP, but rather as a series of pencil sketches stapled together with an affixed Post-It note that read "Please flip rapidly to simulate motion." Luckily, the group salvaged the day by offering a thrilling photographic collection of their New York City signage at the Fading Ad Campaign.
Intra-Office LAN Networks Are Cool. Really!
In an effort to jazz up its promotional campaign targeting mid-level IT managers, ComNet Corporation developed an upbeat 30-second spot featuring a group of computer professionals engaged in a heated breakdance battle. The WINNT Posse opened with a dizzying array of pops and locks, then the Linux Boyz responded with a kinetic salvo of windmills and headspins. Finally, the WINNT Posse was forced to unleash the hands-down clincher: a completely wireless AppleTalk network with optimized packet-switching capabilities. Unfortunately, the spot failed miserably with C++ engineer test audiences. Campaign manager Alexander Lustberg summed up, "We thought the bright colors and super bad beats would appeal to the new generation of mainframe computer network managers. We were wrong."
Doom Tummy 2.0
In what was initially perceived as a brilliant cross-marketing ploy, Sony Electronics asked the Teletubby Corporation a simple question: Can we put our PlayStation games on your bellies? The answer was a resounding "Ho Ho! Tee Hee!" The companies quickly developed a 30-second advertisement for the pilot series. While the lovable Teletubbies danced and giggled in soothing pastoral settings, children played a range of popular games on their bellies, including "Drive-By" and "Spinal Bleeder." The plan backfired; the spot was denounced as a crime against humanity by the creators of First Nine Months (a multimedia journey through the first nine months of an unborn child's life), and submitted to the World Tribunal in the Hague. A verdict is pending.
Absolutely Smashed
In a thinly veiled attempt to circumvent the FCC's hard-alcohol television advertising ban, Absolut Vodka aimed to capture the art-loving, heavy-drinking demographic by airing a 15-second commercial touting Absolut Collectors, a web site that features and sells the company's trendy magazine advertisements. "Strategically, we thought it compelling to squirt in the commercial immediately after Cher's rendition of the national anthem," said Michael Shrimpton, an associate shill at Absolut, "Analysts are predicting a 15-to-20 second shock reaction following the performance, a perfect time to reintroduce America to the pain-numbing effects of Absolut vodka." The FCC, however, sees the situation as "a malicious attempt to take advantage of the American public while they are in a stunned and bewildered state."
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